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On Adoption - 8/2/2007

Sometimes, things don’t work out the way you want them to.  You marry and dream of a wonderful life together.  Starting a family, having children; extensions of yourself, and watching them grow into, hopefully, productive, healthy human beings.

For most of us, the first step, bringing children into the world, is an automatic thing.  Sometimes it happens before you know it.  Other times, you plan and map out when it’s best financially, emotionally and even professionally, to have children.  But, one way or another, the process is a relatively automatic occurrence.  

But, for a small group of people, that isn’t the case.  To a great extent, it seems as though that small group has increased dramatically over the years, making you wonder whether the foods we eat, the air we breathe and the nature in which we live today, compared to how we used to years ago, doesn’t somehow contribute to problems in conceiving and carrying children.  Fortunately, for a large number of individuals, modern medicine has made many advances and, as a result, a whole new specialization has arisen.  There are many OB/GYN’s who specialize in high-risk pregnancies, as well as a large number of physicians who are devoting their attention and time primarily to reproductive medicine.  In the later case, despite all the advances and knowledge these physicians have amassed, there are still individuals who are unable to conceive or carry a child full-term.   As a result, they have several alternatives.  One, not having children at all.  Two, adoption.  

It’s adoption that I’d like to address in today’s article.  It’s for those of you who have considered adoption that I’d like to direct my thoughts.  The whole process is an arduous one, which is difficult , particularly for would-be parents who have already gone through the hurt and disappointment related to the realization that they can’t have their own biological children.  Nevertheless, it can be a very rewarding experience, if you approach it in a healthy, knowledgeable manner, without embarrassment, or feelings of failure. For a moment, I’d like to address those issues.  When you finally decide that adoption is your only recourse, you have to be aware that it can never be a one-sided decision.  If the decision isn’t mutual, i.e., agreed upon by both husband and wife, don’t do it.  Because it will certainly end up destroying your marriage and, very likely, prove emotionally injurious to an unsuspecting child you adopt.  

In many instances, mothers who have experienced miscarriages or stillbirths already feel that, somehow, they are lacking.  That, physiologically they can’t do what they were born to do; be mothers and  raise and love children.  That emotion isn’t necessarily true at this time in history.  But, generally speaking, it is a position held by most young women and men.  

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